YOUR MODS ARE SHIT

Hi there! If you're here, chances are, somebody has seen the way you've modified your car and thought you should pay this site a visit. There's lots of reasons that this could have happened, but the one unifying theme to all of them is this: the mods that you have done are shit.

Not all hope is lost! You have the power to positively affect change.

Why Your Mods Are Shit

This may come as a shock to you, but in a civilised society, there is a set of unspoken codes and principles that all denizens should abide by. That could be something as simple as not releasing flattus in a crowded elevator or not listening to loud music on a peak-hour train, or as complex and nuanced as modifying a car tastefully. The trouble with this is, a lot of people seem to fail on the aforementioned last point. You are amongst them.

It doesn't matter why your mods are shit, the simple fact that they are to begin with is more than enough.

What Mods You Did That Are Shit

Maybe you put a totally unnecessary giant rear wing on your FWD vehicle, or maybe you stretched your tyres far beyond their useful limit. #stancenation

Or maybe you applied an unnecessarily massive amount of camber to your vehicle that only ever gets driven at 63 km/h on your way to work, and paired it with suspension stiffness that would make an oxcart feel like a Rolls Royce. The carpark at the local kebab spot is practically the Nordschleife after all.

Or maybe, just maybe, you put a bonnet with a cooling scoop off of a turbocharged vehicle onto your vehicle which is neither turbocharged nor has a top-mounted cooler matrix of any description, and now has significantly worse aerodynamic properties thanks to the gaping hole in its frontal area. Because racecar, yo.

Whatever the reason may be, your mods are shit.

How You Can Fix Your Mods That Are Shit

This point is a little bit harder than pointing out why your mods are shit — but then again, maybe it isn't.

The simple answer is, have a little taste when you're doing things. Nobody needs any of these supposedly efamez mods which exist for little more than impressing people on Instagram, no matter how much they tell themselves they do. Your interfooler, replica wheels, and stupid stance do not make your car cool. Nor fast. Nor functional. They probably make it slow — incredibly so — and, more, a likely target for a defect sticker.

The likelihood that you've improved your vehicle's suspension geometry with a set of eBay coilovers with their 20 kg/mm spring rates all-round is pretty slim. But what do car manufacturers with some of the biggest R&D and testing budgets on the planet know? Nowhere near as much as you, clearly.

When You Should Fix Your Mods That Are Shit

Now. Like… immediately. Why are you even still reading this? Go and fix your shitbox post-haste.

Who Are These Shit Mod-Disliking Bastards

This message has been brought to you by the Coalition for Undestroying Nice Things, or CUNT for short. We are a small (but growing) group of concerned citizens who have witnessed a massive upward trend in the shittification of the car modding scene. There is a lot of reasons to blame for it, but overall, the message is still the same: stop doing shit mods to otherwise perfectly fine cars.

Despite what you may think, we aren't merely 'haters' or 'jealous'; we sincerely think you can — and should — do better.

Have a nice day!